High School VS College
25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
24. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college,
food must be provided at an event before students will come.
23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
22. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without
looking at the teacher's guide.
21. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.
20. In high school, you have to live with your parents.
In college, you get to live with your friends. 19. In college, you don't
have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
18. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't
heard of it.)
17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose;
that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites
and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk
your way out of it. In college, you're lucky to ever talk with the professor.
15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college,
by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.
14. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage
of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.
13. In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you mumbled back. In
college, when the professor says, "Good morning," you write it down.
12. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In
college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.
11. In college, weekends start on Thursday.
10. In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the
course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where
he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.
9. Once you've obtained the information described in #10, it's much more time-consuming
to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to
"just happen to bump into him/her."
8. In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza
three meals a day.
7. In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.
6. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money
from Mom and Dad.
5. College men are cuter than high school boys.
4. College women are legal.
3. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don't need a note
from your parents saying you were skip... uh, sick that day.
2. In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's
not allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.
1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.
HIGH SCHOOL REUNION
An old man decides to go to his high school's 50 year reunion. He hasn't seen anyone since their 25 year reunion and is very interested to see who might show up. When he gets there he runs into his old high school sweetheart. They sit down at a table and talk about the past 25 years.
"How have you been?" he asks.
"Just fine, just fine," she replies. "Although I do have some good news and bad news for you."
"Bad news first please."
"Well, I had to have a hysterectomy a few years back."
"Oh, that's terrible," he says. "What's the good news?"
She says, "The doctor found your old high school ring you thought lost."
Take one English class, one set of appropriate video tapes (something
like Roots), one set of top-notch XXX rated pornography and the school
video editing suite.
Using the master copies of the very boring tapes, insert a moment or two of high-class pornography every 10 minutes or so.
Teacher generally isn't watching said tapes as they've seen them a million times before, so you can get away with this pretty easily.
Hilarity ensues when every class from then on wants to start studying Roots.
(Pun fully intended).
Take one set of boys bathrooms and a shifting spanner.
Loosen the fittings on the urinals, just so the water will spray everywhere, but won't actually fall apart.
Wait outside the toilet block.
Every kid who went in, comes out with 'urine splash' and the piss is taken out of them for the rest of the term.
One classroom, one set of chairs and a very large supply of super glue
(not what you think).
Grab said chairs and turn them over.
Apply liberal amounts of super glue to the feet.
Place said chairs back under the table and hold them firmly in place.
Enter said classroom the following morning and express disgust at the juvenile behavior of some students.
One teacher (whose sexuality may be under suspicion), one hand written
Said note should contain a message like:
'Hey, Sweetie! We had a great time together. Call me!' along with the telephone number of a guy at the local university.
Best result is achieved when this is constantly undertaken, you can watch, but not be seen.
My high school was so tough that when the teacher asked what comes at the end of a sentence, three guys answered, "You appeal."
A little blond girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"
"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blond?"
"Yes darling, it's because you're blond."
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K ! It's good "innit?"
"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"
"Yes darling it's because you're blond.
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36 D's at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"
"No darling, it's because you're 25."
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.