Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.

You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?

You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

• The first 8" floppy diskette drive was introduced.
• The first laser printer is developed at Xerox PARC.
• FTP is first purposed.
• Niklaus Wirth invents the Pascal programming language.
• Intel develops the the first processor, the 4004.

Here I lie in my hospital bed
Tell me, Sister Morphine, when are you coming round again?
Oh, I don't think I can wait that long
Oh you see that I'm not that strong

The scream of the ambulance is sounding in my ears
Tell me, Sister Morphine, how long have
I been lying here? What am I doing in this place?
Why does the doctor have no face?

Oh, I can't crawl across the floor Ah, 
Can't you see, Sister Morphine, I'm trying to score.

Well it just goes to show things are not what they seem
Please, Sister Morphine, turn my nightmares into dreams.
Oh can't you see I'm fading fast? And that this shot will be my last.


Sweet cousin cocaine, lay your cool cool hands on my head
Ah come on, Sister Morphine, you better make up my bed
'Cause you know and I know in the morning I'll be dead
You can sit around and you can watch all the clean white sheets stained red.